SWEET, SWEET INTERNETZ.

HURR HURR HURR I STILL DON'T HAVE A RELIABLE INTERNET CONNECTION, BUT I SHOULD TOMORROW? WHICH PROBABLY MEANS IN A MONTH OR SO.

But it's okay because I have been passing my time by playing with an adorable dachshund and a snow-white polydactyl cat with the profile of a panther. Also, drinking delicious tea. And thrifting (so many flea markets OHMYGODLOVE). And doing puzzles... And working, of course. But either the people around me at work are less intensely stupid than in the other town or I just don't have to be around as many of them (God bless separate bakery and deli areas!).

Also, I love my roommates. Because they don't get drunk or have draaaama, and their idea of a good time is board games, movies, and CROCHET TIME. We are so adorable, you don't even know. Sitting under our blankets in the living room on a rainy day, all working on scarves and watching bad horror movies old sitcoms, with our little rain boots all lined up by the door. I CAN'T STAND US WE'RE SO CUTE.

...There's also a lot of shouting and profanity and shouted profanity. But the fun kind.

I STILL LIKE NY NEW TOWN MY DOG IS HERE NOW I HOPE SHE DOESN'T IRRITATE EVERYONE THE FAIR'S HERE AND I MIGHT GO I HATE GOING TO WORK EARLY.

I will hopefully get the internet working in my room/with my crazy-ass computer in the relatively near future.

I LIKE MY NEW TOWN IT HAS STUFF.

I move either Thursday or Friday (lovely how I still don't know when the managers are going to let me leave) and have started packing up. So far I have about six boxes full of nothing but books, DVDs, and craft supplies. And a few toiletries. But mostly books and craft supplies. And I only packed the books I haven't read yet (and a few all-time favorites). I've gotta stop buying books... Of course, whenever I tell myself that, it makes me remember books that I want, and I wind up buying them. It's like when I think about cutting down on sweets. OH GOD. I am so excited about living near a library!!!!

Anyway. Sarah gave me explicit directions to bring every DVD I had, so I packed those up first. Maybe I'll actually *gasp* watch some of them, now that I'll have people to watch them with. I have some still in the damn plastic. SARAH OR OTHERS IN OR NEAR MY NEW ABODE, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I HAVE THE DONNA SEASON OF DOCTOR WHO NOW. I watched one episode and remembered how much Donna's episodes, in and of themselves, FUCKING SUCK, even though Donna is, in and of herself, KICKASSWONDERFUL. IT'S CONUNDRUM. LET US DISCUSS.

In other news, I'm pretty sure there is a mouse in my room (more reason to be glad I'm moving!), and while I am generally not afraid of mice? I am afraid of things that I can't see going scrabble-scrabble-scrabble under my bed. Even if I'm pretty sure it's a mouse. It seriously made me lie awake in terror for a few hours last night. After just one little noise. I'm dumb.

Got hit on by a skeezy-looking guy with a barcode tattoo on his neck.

Then saw a lady driving through the parking lot with a chihuahua on her lap and a great Dane in the back seat.* DISPARATELY-SIZED DOGS CRAMMED INTO THE SAME CAR FOR THE WIN.


* Actually, I'm pretty sure it was standing on the floor. Its head was sticking out the window, and the head was pretty much as big as the window. It was like a giant, furry, ugly man...

So, Eagle vs. Shark is basically Napoleon Dynamite set in New Zealand, with much more and much more painful awkwardness. And a sex scene.

Did I mention the painful awkwardness?

I found myself mysteriously liking it a bit, even though the dude in it treated the chick in it like dirt, and she still followed him around and made moony eyes at him and junk. And did I mention the PAINFUL AWKWARDNESS AND A SEX SCENE THAT WAS PAINFULLY AWKWARD? And the treating of the woman like crap? And the PAINFUL AWKWARDNESS?

Jemaine Clement, why?

Wtf, Eagle vs. Shark?

I gave Ducky a bath today and discovered that the mysterious orange tint down her back won't come off. What the fuck did you roll in, Ducky?

I also cleaned the fish bowls and managed not to fall asleep mid-afternoon. WOOHOO, ACCOMPLISHMENTS!

...I'm sort of boring, in case anyone hasn't noticed.

Today I had a customer who wanted approximately eighty thousand names on a cake and wouldn't tell me how to spell any of them. Actually, she seemed completely oblivious to the meaning of "How do you spell it?" She would just repeat the name. Like this:

HER: ...and Bobbie Jean.
ME: Okay, how do you spell it?
HER: Bobbie Jean
ME: And how do you spell it?
HER: Bobbie.
ME: So, it's B-O-B-B..?
HER: Bobbie.
ME: Yes, but how do you SPELL it?
HER: Bobbie.

Another excerpt from her order:
HER: Oh, and Nijira, don't forget Nijira.
ME: All right, how do you spell it?
HER: Oh, just Nijira. Like Nigeria. You know Nigeria?
ME: Okay. N-I-G...?
HER: No, it has a J.
ME: All right. Nijera? N-I-J-E...?
HER: No, Nijira. Like Nigeria.
ME: Like Nigeria?
HER: Yeah.
ME: So it's N-I-J-E-R--
HER: No. Nijira.
ME: *goes insane*

Then there's the deli lady who absolutely has to share her favorite sandwiches with every. single. customer. And she only seems to have one favorite sandwich. So I get to hear her say "What I like to do with corned beef is..." about EIGHTY JILLION TIMES A DAY. Either that or "I call it a reuben roll-up!" Now imagine that repeated in a needlessly loud, chirpy voice two dozen times. "I call it a reuben roll-up! I call it a reuben roll-up! I call it a reuben roll-up! I call it a reuben roll-up! I call it a reuben roll-up! I call it a reuben roll-up! I call it a reuben roll-up! I call it a reuben roll-up! I call it a reuben roll-up! I call it a reubenroll-upIcallitareubenroll-up!Icallitareubenroll-up!Icallitareubenroll-up!!!!!!!!"

And there's the creepy deli guy who walks back and forth behind me all the time and actually makes me want to vomit each time he passes; as in, I can feel my gorge rise, and sometimes I choke a little. And, on top of being generally creepy to the point of making me want to spew bile on him and climb over the cake case to escape his presence, I think today he must have rolled in a litter box and surprised a skunk before coming to work.

Speaking of Creepy Guy, he's the father in the Terrifically Sexist Father-Son Duo (they're terrifically sexist!) Today I heard them doing the "I didn't see no ring on her finger, durr hurr hurr" thing, and I seriously wanted to go over and educate them. And then Creepy Guy started talking about flirting with the customers, and I just wanted to scream "STOP FLIRTING WITH CUSTOMERS, YOU FILTHY ASSHOLE, YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, AND FOR GODSAKE THEY'RE YOUR CUSTOMERS, AND YOU'RE GOING TO OFFEND SOMEONE AND GET FIRED, AND ON SECOND THOUGHT FLIRT WITH THE CUSTOMERS ALL YOU WANT!"

I hate my job.

TODAY I CAME HOME AND STUFFED MY FACE WITH ROCKY ROAD ICE CREAM BECAUSE I HATE EVERYONE I WORK WITH AND ALL OF THE CUSTOMERS.

NOW MY EYELID IS TWITCHING.

THE STUPIDITY BUUURRRRNS.

I went apartment hunting today and found nothing, and when I got home I found out that my mom's friend with the white cat has decided that I "wouldn't want it." Yeah, I thought she didn't actually want to give it away.

Nevertheless, I managed to stay pretty upbeat today. I ate a cannoli! And got to play with a polydactyl cat. Here she is:

...I had snacks in my purse. Click here to see her 7-toed foot.

My mom's friend has a cat that she is thinking about letting me adopt when I move. The cat is "lovable", pure white, a "lap cat", and has already been spayed. I AM SO EXCITED. And, of course, I am announcing all of this now so as to be even more disappointed when the woman changes her mind and/or I can't find a place that allows animals. YEAH!

Damn, I need an apartment.

My transfer at work is scheduled for the 12th, and my bloodwork says I'm anemic! YAY?

I'm feeling a little better since I started taking my iron supplements. Which are prescription and cost $23 for a month's supply. Whee!

I still need an apartment. SUPER WHEE! Gawd, I don't want roommates. I could handle living with a certain group of friends, but right now that is not a long-term option, and I would still be sad because I wouldn't be able to decorate the place how I want or walk around without underwear or whatever. I HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH MY FAMILY AND/OR IN DOUBLE-OCCUPANCY DORMS FOREVER. GIVE ME THE FREEDOM TO PUT MY STUFF IN THE LIVING ROOM AND WALK AROUND HALF NAKED, AT LEAST.

On an entirely unrelated note, my 11-year-old nephew loudly declared that he had "disposable thumbs" last night. And today he asked for a "quackulator" and let my mother know that he was writing out a "contrast" for her to sign. I suspect he's been drinking.

Sarah and I went to see Harry Potter tonight, and we would like to know when Draco became a fifty-year-old heroin addict.

Seriously. This boy seems to have slipped through a time warp and lived thirty years elsewhere. He is clearly a multiple divorcé with alimony payments he can't make, and that, not the murder plot, is what makes him pace up and down the damn Hogwarts corridors in his Evil Businessman Suit, sneaking hits in the boys' bathroom to dull the pain of a lifetime of bad decisions and illegitimate children.

...Discussions of Draco and his baby mamas ensued.

I GOT A CALL FROM THE C-TOWN MANAGER ABOUT TRANSFERRING THERE. WHOOOO! I have to go in to work tomorrow to see management about how soon I can transfer, and if it's sufficiently early, I probably need to motor to C-Town to see the apartments my friends have been telling me about. WHEE! I also have to call the damn doctor's office and go all "OMG GIVE ME MY BLOOD RESULTS WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME BAAAAACK?!" And maybe send a package while I'm in town.

This isn't a terrible lot of things to do, and C-Town isn't CRAZY FAR AWAY or anything (about an hour), but to me this seems like TOO MUCH and is overwhelming and scary. Like everything.

Plus, WHAT ABOUT HARRY POTTER? I have failed to contact Sarah because I am a loser. WE ARE SUPPOSED TO SEE HARRY POTTER TODAY OR TOMORROW. WOE IF I CANNOT!

...Not that pretty much any theater she'd want to go to isn't within driving distance of C-Town. Or Hometown. WHATEVS, EVERYTHING, WHATEVS.

Oh man I bet being a cake decorator in C-Town is miserable because the manager sounded desperate for help and said they had a "busy cake business" and OHMIGOD WATCH ME BREAK DOWN CRYING AND QUIT THE FIRST WEEK.

Okay, I'll stop now. But seriously you should check out the Mel video blogs.

More Flight of the Conchords... Because I love Mel more than I should.

I'm loving the second season of Flight of the Conchords. Also, I'm pretty sure the first line in the bowling alley is "Friends make graphs together" (there is a whole thing about graphs in the episode), but the subtitles on the DVD say "Friends make grouse together." LOL WUT.

Also, SARAH, I HAVE NOW SEEN SUGARLUMPS.


"YOU PROBABLY THINK MY PANTS HAVE THE MUMPS"